Jean Genie

Granted, it's not so much that I'm 'getting' old. I am old. Which is so freeing that a. I get to be an unapologetic curmudgeon, and, b. that I get/have to get over myself. So liberating. And I get to pee in my pants more.

I'm bothered by many disgraceful attributes, mentalities, habits of our grand culture, but one that keeps sticking its lumpy ass in my face is the bi-gendered jeans things. Guys really don't need and should abstain from wearing jeans with lavishly ornamental rear pockets. And, truly, most guys should just go with Levi's. Are we so impatient, immediate-gratification, and stupid that we'll pay triple the cost for pre-worn jeans? God knows it's not as if we're going to do any serious WORK in those jeans. Guys who do work for a living generally have worn in jeans that didn't cost 100 bucks. Or Carhartts.

Ladies... if you don't have a muscular ass, 150 dollar jeans with dishonest lines won't give you an ass. The jeans that have mini-zippers and meretricious pocket angles might draw some approving cursory interest, but, anyone who actually studies the cut of your jib will see the falsehood--and resent you for it.

Spanx... get fucked.